she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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