I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
