the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
