You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize