So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
