Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
