It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
