I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
