Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
