just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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