this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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