i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
