You're so nebulous sometimes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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