I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
