So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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