My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
