Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
