I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Buhtt sex?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
