i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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