He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
