I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
