my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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