he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
are you so shy because you have an std?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
