"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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