Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
not ubering you a puppy
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
