I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
