I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
