i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How naked do you want me to be?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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