Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
