i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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