I wanna bring you to show and tell
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
