Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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