Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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