Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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