Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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