someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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