I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
