But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Randomize
