Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
