he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
