I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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