Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
