Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
