thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
