Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
