i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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