Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
