Welp...herpes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
