I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
