i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
