high people should be assigned attendants
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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