Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize