if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
