Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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