My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have aggressive nipples.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
