What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
