Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
