bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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