Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
