Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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