Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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