who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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