We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
