I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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