I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
