the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
