life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
