i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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