I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
