im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
