your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
