when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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