Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I need moral support for this bender
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
