Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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