Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes

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  (541): He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes http://tfl.nu/g6v6
  Replies (19) Good night (684) Bad night (3599)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.

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  (850): From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you. http://tfl.nu/tn1i
  Replies (10) Good night (997) Bad night (5015)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.

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  (484): the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka. http://tfl.nu/bmjy
  Replies (11) Good night (3005) Bad night (772)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.

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  (417): When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion. http://tfl.nu/easp
  Replies (10) Good night (5077) Bad night (1102)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.

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  (603): Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die. http://tfl.nu/bcpb
  Replies (4) Good night (679) Bad night (2207)
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  (559): View more from California

  I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.

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  (559): I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me. http://tfl.nu/s6gx
  Replies (25) Good night (1245) Bad night (3034)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman

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  (775): He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend (1-775): I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman http://tfl.nu/d80q
  Replies (10) Good night (2621) Bad night (992)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game

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  (724): They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game http://tfl.nu/pqbb
  Replies (8) Good night (1190) Bad night (616)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.

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  (850): I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night. http://tfl.nu/511n
  Replies (4) Good night (1106) Bad night (444)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.

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  (734): Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword. http://tfl.nu/ec7y
  Replies (1) Good night (956) Bad night (449)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?

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  (816): Wait. Wine + Crossbow..? http://tfl.nu/8knj
  Replies (6) Good night (1060) Bad night (636)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.

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  (702): Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos. http://tfl.nu/ooli
  Replies (5) Good night (346) Bad night (633)
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  (869): View more from St.Kitts and Nevis-Carib

  I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.

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  (869): I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible. http://tfl.nu/0c9k
  Replies (1) Good night (370) Bad night (770)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.

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  (678): Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty. http://tfl.nu/d492
  Replies (5) Good night (815) Bad night (412)
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  (714): View more from California

  I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.

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  (714): I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented. http://tfl.nu/mdds
  Replies (1) Good night (714) Bad night (296)

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