either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.