2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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