Well douche your snatch and let's go!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?