i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
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A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..