My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
