the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
