My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
