The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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