the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
