I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
