Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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