he puts the penis in happiness.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
