It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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