i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
