batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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